Monday, October 23

A bum of the nth degree

Good. Freakin. Grief.
1 month in and NO JOB.
I never pictured myself without a job. EVER.
I'm one of those middle class people that just accept life is going to be work day after work day until you retire. I never once thought....hey, I could prolly just get away with living off "the system." I still don't think I could (I eat far too much, and have an expensive taste for good food) but I can see how people just get "hooked" on the support and don't bother with really trying to find one.

I admit. I'm not looking nearly hard enough.
This whole "putting yourself out there" is totally not me. And I hate every second of it. I hate calling people on the phone and I hate constantly e-mailing and I hate not having anything to do. I feel like my hate of boredom and laziness would push me to call more places and get going, but it's just making me want to hide more.
DAMN YOU HUMAN RESOURCES DEPARTMENTS EVERYWHERE! I hate the games they play too. I wish there was like a snapshot of everything that you could do that was just automatically updated. Then it would be an easy thing to just open up and show an employer. I'm an awesomely hard worker. But....they can't see that.
And the line "Fantastically hard worker" doesn't work on a resume.

Wednesday, October 11


I'm feelin pretty down and out.
Basically it's a vicious feedback loop (as my Envi. prof would say).
I have no job, therefore I feel lazy.
I feel lazy and that depresses me so I have no energy to care.
Not caring will not get me a job (go figure, right?).
So, yeah. It's boring.
Cleaned the bedroom and did all his laundry (but not his Gi...I don't want to screw that up!). I also tried to wash his pillow case. When I went to put it back on it looked like there was new light-ish stains on it....until I realized that the "stains" were actually where the detergent had actually cleaned the pillowcase. The rest was still dirty......ewww....
Cleaned the front room of all his electronic stuff and the boxes from his new computer. SO MANY BOXES.
He still has a bunch of his stuff in little piles, but I don't care. I'm used to a bit of mess now. I think it's because it's a bigger place than just one room. Hm...doesn't really make sense...but that's okay.

Things I want: (now that I have no money...)
1. I want a nice pair of jeans. Ones that really fit and look nice with my shoes with heels.
2. A few new cd's. It's been awhile.
3. I want to make a lot of baked stuff. Like cookies and muffins and stuff.
4. A bigger bed, or wider sheets. One of us always ends up left out in the cold. Literally.
5. I want to dance. I want to move, and shake off this shitty feeling. *shakes and grooves*

Sunday, October 1

New place

Well, here I am. It's been a week and I can hardly believe it.
It still feels like I'm on vacation, yet I can't relax.
Everytime there's downtime, I start thinking why we aren't doing anything, and what else we can do.
I'm still jobless. Another reason I always look for stuff to do I think. Don't want to be thought of as a bum. It's rough going. I don't know if I'm trying hard enough. I feel like I am, but apparently not. I'm going to have to call back two places. this week or next.
We're starting to look for places. We have an appt to see one tomorrow. I'm not too optimistic about it though. It's on a street we don't want to be on and it looks like it's part of a complex. Yuck. But that was the only success I had. I called 7 places, and that's the only appt. Makes sense I guess, just didn't realize how hard it would be.
I'm hanging out with my aunt again (for the 3rd time in a week) to try to go for a walk on the beach. My mom is talking about coming up for a visit already. ::sigh::
I'm gearin myself up for another week of job hunting and other necessities of attempting to live with my boyfriend and first time living on my own.
Learning to relax.
Learning to be agressive.
Learning to make decisions.
Learning how to grocery shop.
Learning how to communicate.
Learning how to take a joke.
Learning how to make a joke.
Learing to be responsible.
*waves* Hi everyone! I'm an adult!
If only I could convice myself that's what I am.