You can't eat your pudding if you don't have any meat!!!

Last night, there was a death. Well, near death.
Of a smoke alarm battery.
For safety reasons (of course) there is a feature that warns the occupants that the battery is loosing it's juice. What time of day that feature goes off (ahem, night) is not important.
Most alarms I have heard have a soft beep every minute or so. Not the one upstairs.
A triple beep every 30 seconds. From 330am onward.
In all seriousness, I wanted to stab my temple. I love my sleep, and I actually would wake up about every half hour, and considered getting up at 5, just so I could leave and not hear it anymore. I went up the back stairs hoping that it was in the hallway and I could tear it off the wall (or, ya know, take the battery), no such luck. It was in an apartment. ::siiiiigh::

In other news, nothin' wrong with me. Full panel of blood work and everything is relatively normal. Although, my "albumin levels" were a little low. Heh, the doctor recommended I eat more red meat....nearly raw. Yeah...right doc.
I think I'm going to go to the Park Avenue Dance Company to try it out...I miss dancing. Although this is contemporary dance. It's been awhile since I've done that. I'm picking this company because I know they put on shows. Ideally, I would hope that I could get into this show, but, Em! Take a class first!

It's about time for me to get out of work. (And no, I am not doing this on company time.) Everyone is havin beers and playin mini-golf (a sort of reward party for the company) but I just want to go home. We'll see.

Ta!

Spring?

I love that part of the early morning in spring, just as you notice it is actually light out when you wake up. When the sun seems to shine brighter, has a warmer tone, and you just feel like you have caught something beautiful at the peak of its radiance.

I just wish it would get over 25 degrees in the morning.

Things on my desk:

~an old tea bag
~a paper penguin from Bri
~NYSDEC Spill reports
~ a receipt for a paid student loan (by another loan company)
~invitation for a baby shower on Feb 2.

I think I need to clean.
However, I think the need for cookies is um...needier.

Eight

There's just something about this crazy, mixed up, inside out love.
It makes me smile,
makes me angry,
makes me loony,
makes me strong,
makes me think,
makes me feel completely warm all over.

Who knew this silly teenage match would end up as a "breakfast in a diner on sundays" kind-of couple?

I like this ride, lets keep going.
<3

100 Things to Do Before I Go

This is inspired by MightyGirl Blog. This is one of those blogs I read everyday. It's just a personal blog, but everything she does seems so professional. She's got killer style and she seems like a fun person to be around. Anyway, she decided to invite her readers (that's me! but I lurk... I rarely leave comments) to complete a list of things to do before you croak. However, she put it in a more tactful way. (Ah, that style, I love it!) So: I begin.

1. Visit Japan
2. Write a book
3. Return to Costa Rica
4. Have babies
5. Build an environmentally friendly house
6. Learn how to work an espresso machine
7. Learn Spanish, French, Arabic and conversational Japanese
8. Become a trail guide
9. Go backwoods hiking
10. Plant and maintain a successful garden
11. Own a dog
12. Run a marathon
11. Visit Alaska to see the northern lights
12. Help put my niece thru college (if she wants to go)
13. Live in Washington or Oregon
14. Have family dinners at least 3 times a week
15. Take my parents on a vacation
16. Take Mrs. Z to Ireland
17. Donate a lot of money to my Environmental Studies department
18. Help create a nature preserve
19. Delineate wetlands
20. Learn to do woodworking
21. Drive across country
22. Get myself into a few theater performances
23. Learn to play the piano
24. Carve pumpkins, make snowmen and bake cookies with my kids
25. Keep a goldfish for longer than a month

Breakfast.

It's really hard to eat a good breakfast when all your oatmeal is gone, and you made a big batch of grits for breakfast with honey and cream.

Sound good? It aint.

Manic

I feel like time is always trying to get away from me.
Like time is trying so very hard not to get cooties from me.
I just want to be able to get everything done. However, I am Ms. Anti-Task apparently.


Work words I now use everyday:
-However
-As such
-Apparently
-Observed
-Visible
-Previous

I tend to get a bit carried away when I go to take a "break" at work. On the internet.
I KNOW!
Such a stupid way to take a break.

Ways to take a 10 minute break at work:
-Take the long way to the water fountain
-Read the editorials in the newspaper
-Take the stairs to the top floor and back down
-Walk to the coffee shop

I get frustrated when work piles up unexpextedly. Liiiike...when I have a due date for a report that afternoon, and I'm really starting to get rolling and someone knocks on the wall of my cube and says: hey, are ya busy?
No, dork. I'm just sitting at work getting some knitting done.

Ways to manage time:
-Make lists
-Buy a calender
-Write in said calender
- .......
(as you can see....not so good at this part.)

::sigh:: I need help.

I have been doing my current job since....the end of October. That means that I have been doing multiple projects at any one time for 4 months now. How come I have not YET gotten the hang of it? That is a long friggin time. (As compared to "Okay, here is this dance sequence. Lets do it 5 times. Okay, now show it to me.) It's very frustrating to me that I am not good at it right away.

Things I want to do tonite that will probably not get done:
- Go running (probably will do this)
- Set out clothes for tomorrow
- clean the bathroom
- make a lunch and snacks for tomorrow
- make apple and cottage cheese pancakes
- finish a report

Things I think about doing all the time and never get to:
- Make jewelry
- Clean
- Write
- Read and have coffee at a cafe
- Time management
- Get my medical responsibilities in order
- Cook and write in the blog
- Backrubs
- Hiking
- Exercising
- Planning trips
- Cleaning out my clothes

I think I expect a lot out of myself.

Foodie

Few things:
I have started the food blog. Not officially, because I want to get a few things tweaked and get a few more posts up before I really start letting people in on it. Unfortunately, I'm having a hard time getting work done this week (hm...I wonder why....[note the time this was published]), so I don't have much drive to work on it nights.

New Camera! Yes, I have a new camera so I can't wait to really break it in!

Upcoming topics: St. Paddy's Day meal, and some mean chocolate -chip cookies. like, mean as in so good, you will eat them til your face falls off.

'til then...

Very Very Cruel.

Monday Morning

Its a bit hazy
the ways I get out of bed.
The fears I induce
when waking from death.
The corpse that is me
for about 6 hours
struggles to remember
a reason not to cower
at the thought of a day
when in so many ways
everything goes wrong.
----
these days are good
i tell myself.
these days treat you well
with a home, career, health.
yet this nagging annoyance
that persists and endures
every freakin monday....

....alright. i was trying to be serious, but monday morning poems tend to be a bit one sided.

Contrary Mary

That's what my mother always called me.
I apologize. It's pretty true.
I'm also "Debbie Downer."
Again...I'm sorry! I'm blaming it on the lack of sunlight and lack of gym availability.
But lo! There is hope, fellow miserables! I have returned to the gym and the work load is getting better! I am also stocking up on recipes and pictures so I can start my food project.
.
.
.
Just a few more weeks.....

Sunday Night, Again.

How crappy.

Another anxiety filled Sunday evening before the work week begins again. I shake my head trying to deduce how I got to dislike my job so much. I'm hoping it's just for the moment. My boss keeps telling me how these are just the busiest months, don't worry. Somehow, I am not convinced.

The tv is broken. This stupid apartment had a electricity surge that foiled the expensive surge protector purchased for the expensive tv. Because the outlets are not grounded.
.....augh.
So my Boy is miserable, no daily Family Guy, no daily video games, and damn it, no nice tv that he really worked hard to get.

And now, the upstairs neighbors are partying like it's flippin new years.
"Its SUNDAY people!! be miserable like the rest of us!!!!"

The nerve.

Man, it will be great when we have our own house.
Until then...we suffer.
Ciao, my fellow miserables!

New Year!

New year! New post!
(I am letting you know ahead of time that this started off as a personal post, but hey, might as well jump into what I've been thinking about doing for a while. Good luck to ya, reader!)

I actually feel slightly depressed today. (Of course that might be the work load I have awaiting me in a certain building downtown that I spend more than the customary 8 hours a day in.)
I'm bummed that I'm feeling like I hate this job. Because it's environmental, it's a salary, and it's benefits. What else could I possibly ask for??
I know what I really want:
No deadlines.
Man, I freaking HATE deadlines. Nothing makes me want to sit down and do nothing more that deadlines. What's that I hear? You want this by the end of the week? Why, no better time then for me to go looking on the internet and planning out my dinners for the rest of the month. No better time then, for me to catch up with friends on gmail chat!
OI. I tell ya. It even drives ME nuts.

Bitching aside--
My favorite Boy suggested that I start an on-line journal about my cooking "experiments."
Me: "Um, like a Food Blog?"
Boy: "Yeah, where you take pictures of what you are making and say how it comes out and give the recipe."
Me: "Oh man, do you know how many FANTASTIC food blogs are out there? And how professional they look?? Like this one, or this one? Oh geez, and I LOVE this one."

My little obsession with food blogs has not gone unnoticed by him. In fact, I spend so much time oogling over them, they are now referred to as "Food Porn." And all of my favorite ones reside in a bookmark folder of the same name. Sad really.

Finally getting to the point, the Boy has started things off with a Coffee Cake which my guy decided to make while I was away on my vacation.



And...here's the ingredients.
You can see the flour, sugar, brown sugar, butter, generic vanilla (it's still vanilla!) and what appears to be baking powder and soda in shot glasses. Hm.







And the machine that makes it all possible. The Mixer. I love this Mixer. It loves me. We want to have awesome bakery babies together.

Anyway, as you can see: butter and...um...eggs? It looks like the butter was a bit cold still, and that box should probably be moved out of the kitchen if we are going to be doing this more often. I'm not exactly sure what is in there at that point...this was the Boy's project.


Assembly.
Man. I have no clue what that stuff is. Brown sugar? with something? I'm really going to have to be present when we do this again.



And a side view of the nearly finished product.
This is a busy picture. soda in the back ground, with some random spices and the ugly wood wall and the dreaded stove.
The actual act of applying heat to what I've combined really ruins everything for me. Literally. Burning, and overdoing, and underdoing happens a lot more than it probably should.
I blame the stove.




Which brings me to the next point: no pictures of the final product. It was a little bit of a disaster probably based on a two things:
1. No sour cream. The recipe called for sour cream, but there was none in the house and Boy wanted his coffee cake right then. "Hey, I'll just leave it out!" he says. Why not?
2. No bundt pan. He said he didn't know what one was, but that's ok, we don't own one anyway. (FYI - It's the pan that has a hole in the middle and looks like a mold so the finished cake has a shape.) Because of the lack of a hole, it didn't cook evenly. Stupid stove. (See? blame the stove. It's better.)
3. The camera quality is a little shady. The one I have is a little old and doesn't really have a stability thing, so many pictures are pretty bad. The ones here are the best of the bunch. Pretty good considering what he had to work with!
Sure enough, when I got home, there was the remnants of the cake, bubbled over the edge and crusty. Not pretty.
It's a learning experience.

Just like this post. Just trying things out, testing the photos and the posting procedures, blah blah blah.
We'll see how things go.

Waiting for dinner to finish...

-I dislike chopping fresh herbs.
-If you ask what I want from the store, and the house has no food, expect a long answer.
-I need bigger index cards for a craft.
-I'm pretty sure I need to make a collage now.
-I want to bake a cake.
-I am much to tired to think straight.
-I need to make a shopping list.

This weekend we went to Toronto for a bachelor/ette party.
Walked WAY too far in pumps.
Bitched a bit.
Yet got into a club for free, sat in the VIP section, and enjoyed a bottle of Hennesy that the Boy decided to splurge on in celebration.
And get this....there was a bouncer making sure people didn't sit with us.

I think that's the most spoiled I've felt in a while.

Next day we woke up a tad to early.
Visited the Toronto Zoo...felt crappy.
And then it rained and rained....and the day was much better.
We decided to try and run to the next animal house..and then it downpoured.
It was awesome.

All's well that ends.

What. A. Day.

St. Patrick's Day is a time for great revelry and boozing in my family. After all, the Irish blood still runs pretty strongly through my family's veins. Some more than others. For instance, my cousin. Because I grew up with her always around, she is more like my sister. While she is fantastically beautiful, terribly funny, and quite outgoing, she can drink you to the floor. With style. And I, can handle maybe 2 or 3 beers an hour without blacking out. Not much for the Irish side of me. My almost-sister was coming up for a visit!

With that being said, Her car was towed from our apartment's lot late in the evening. Given what a good sport she is about everything and her ability to take in stride just about anything, it might have been okay. But take into account that she was in a place where she hasn't been before, meeting a potential boyfriend, booze and one certain Sister-In-Law of hers, the situation=drama. And I knew it as I was sitting on the toilet, peeking out the blinds discovering that my cousin and her SIL's cars were being pulled out by a large truck. And the Boyfriend laughs when he finds the blinds stuck because I was peeking out of them. I don't even want to know how much more complicated it would have been if we discovered the tow many hours later.

I got up the courage and walked over to the pub where they were comfortably reveling in the evening. And my cousin says, as she always does "Are you kidding me?"
SIL hears this and gets the female pissed look. I know, because I have done it more than once. She takes the news bad, which I expect...and my cousin...starts to cry. Which I have seen maybe 3 or 4 times my whole life. SIL calls the tow number, and after about 1/2 hour of furious waiting, tears, and reassurances, the tow company calls, and says: "$200 to get your car back."

*&$^@ &^%#

SIL is so angry she will not look at me, and I lose it. These awesome people will never come visit me again because they parked in the lot and paid a ridiculously exorbitant fee for having a good time. Fantastic. I pissed off SIL, I made my cousin cry. Needless to say, my cousin didn't stay the night.
I'm still trying to figure out what the heck we're going to do. BF wants to call and yell at our landlords. For what? I don't know. Maybe hiring a tow company that charges fees that people in NYC don't even pay. They did tell us that people do get towed from the lot, but we have seen parties and their friends cars are parked there. And we never saw a single tow truck. This compounded with the fact that our kitchen ceiling looks like shit because the roof was leaking. We have let them know THREE times we want it taken care of over a 2-3 month period, and NO reply. Oh, maybe that our bathroom faucet STILL leaks, they said they repaired it, but it was untouched. How do I know? It still has the same problem as before. And the repair guy didn't believe me that there was a leak. You see, it only does it when you turn the hot to the cold. Not when you simply turn it on.

Augh. I'm tired of writing about this already.

I had a great day up until that whole shitty end.
Got up, made some awesome Irish soda bread, watched a parade while scarfing down Bailey's and coffee. Had a great corned beef, cabbage and potato dinner, And hung out at a pub across the street, all while not worrying about driving or anyone else driving.

I'm just pissed at myself because we told them that it would probably be okay if they parked there. And pissed that, in reality, there's really nothing we can do. The tow company didn't break any laws, and there are signs all over the lot. Pissed that Bf and I can't have visitors unless they move their car every 12 hours, or pay to park in a parking garage for a weekend. Pissed that this state is so people unfriendly. We knew that we never wanted to stay in this state.

Maybe we really have to get out of here. Sooner than we thought.

Currently

1. I am reading blogs. It may be a sad attempt to escape my brain and jump into others without actual human interaction. Maybe.

2. Human interaction is dangerous this time of the month. Like seriously. I totally flipped a shit on the BF today cause he said I had too many clothes.

3. PMS (as said by BF: pumms), I have a crazy urge to just buy a crapload of junk. I say junk because I know it will be. And food. I want food.

4. Tired as hell. Up at 610. Which is another thing.

5. New job. Part time, which sucks. But I get paid well. Just got hired for another Part time somewhere else. Doesn't pay as well, but whatever. As you might tell, I'm not TERRIBLY thrilled about them. Don't get me wrong, they're exciting enough, but not what I WANT to do. I know, I'm such an unappreciative asshole. Computer work just doesn't get me the way other jobs would. Plus my wrist pain suddenly made a reappearance. greaaaaat.
p.s. Part time=no benefits.

5. Hoping that I won't be anal retentive this weekend. I might be. But I will try not to be.

A weird morning is when:

You are first woken up by someone asking if you would like to come in and interview with their agricultural consulting firm, (which is really something that looked interesting to you, and would love the challenge of working with farmers, but are mostly involved with another job that you really don't want because it's working with computers, but they might be giving you benefits....) and you say...

"um...maybe, can I call you back?"

And then while you are trying to recover and are chastising yourself for being such an idiot for f-ing up your chances for a really neat job, your boyfriend asks...
"Did we make-out last nite?" And you say...

"Yeah....you thought it was a dream too?"

And you realize after discussing how you kept falling asleep and how he was too warm in bed to get up to get the necessary items for such a deed that we both had just passed out.


Just....wow.
I love my adventures.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Winter is here:

This was a few or so ago, but as you can see, It's been pretty fricken cold.

I love snow, but can't stand the cold. As a matter of fact, right now, my hands are freezing and my hips are aching. what's that you say? Why no! I am only 22 years old and already addled by the annoyance of "cold weather aches."
*grumbles like a crazy old woman*

I would go take a hot shower, but I need to do laundry at my aunts house. But she smokes. So then I have to take a shower when I come back....so I'll wait. The things you do when you're broke.

Oh! My mom came and visited the apartment!! I got to show it off to her and her friends. They were just here for the night, observing a school district for something. They were very impressed. Then we went to the British pub across the street. Very cozy, and welcoming. It was a perfect nite for a chat at the pub.

Last nite, the Boyfriend took me to a movie and out to the clubs. Yes, I said clubs. His buddies were out, and we usually go and meet them. The fiancee of one of his friends, was in a little little top...and it was pretty....but...she has pneumonia....and it's snowing and below freezing. *blink blink* Yeah....I don't know either. He says she thinks she's a celebrity. I will just take my friends stance and say "Whatever. It's all good. Whatever you want for you." (That friend is moving. To Detroit. Damn. I only met her a month ago at work, but...she's so FUN! ::sigh:: It's all good.)

And the movie? So sad, but really good. Pan's Labyrinth. It's sweet in a sad way. But the best part of last nite? It was all within walking distance. Even though it was freezing out, it wasn't a far walk. (As you can see, I'm still astounded by how close entertaining things are.)


Alright, I'm going to prepare myself for a sojourn to the Aunt's house for laundry and a visit. I hope she is feeling better.

A tale of ridiculous emotions.

Goodness grief, I forgot how much I like the title of this blog.

Today, I am writing just to blow off a little creative steam. Yesterday was terrible. It was good that I went shopping and cleaned nearly the entire apartment, but bad otherwise. I was so cranky and annoying....to myself (!) that I had to go to bed at 8 pm. And I had gotten up at 11 am.
It was that bad.
I couldn't even be awake for 12 hours...it was...*counts* 9 hours. That's it.
Now I'm all ready to hear complaints of "Oh you're so lucky to get that much sleep..." But me? I'm all like, You're so lucky you can be a decent human being for span of a normal day. Poor C. gave me a call like a normal and decent boyfriend, and I practically stomped on his feelings with the sole of my worn out and dirty sneakers. I was actually at the supermarket trying not to get run over (a weekend, and an impending ice storm=crazy shoppers), and should have told him that I would call him back when I was at out of a public area.
Sometimes, I am not so smart.

Hopefully that's over with.

So, my mother is coming to visit our apartment. Now I'm doubly excited that I was productive on the domestic front this weekend. I have been wanting to show it off for sometime, but it's totally not ready for entertaining. No kitchen table, I mean, come on now. But! That's okay.
I have the feeling she will be impressed. Maybe I'm just hoping she'll give me the impression she's impressed.....yeah. That would be good. (In order to please me, just pretend. It's that easy folks.)

So plans for later include:
a little more laundry
Fajitas for dinner!!!
maybe cleaning the office
perhaps putting up artwork in the hallway/gallery

Woohoo. Time to get to work. *groan*
I wish you the best day free of the cranky (as for myself)
Ta!

Those last times of the year

Those times when you catch yourself being crazy reflective. Being in your hometown, being with family and friends from a time when things seemed complicated, but in all truth, was just a bunch of teenage drama. Now moving forward to the future when it seems like all there is is jobs and bills and sticky financial situations, you really feel the moment and don't let it pass by in a haze of teenage vision. I really appreciate the time I have with everyone I miss, but don't realize how much I miss them. ::phew:: How overwhelming at times.

I came home Sunday, Dec. 24. After working over 55 hours in one week, (I'm rather spoiled on the work front. I've always had a nice cushy job. Now I don't.) I was an emotional wreck as well as a wreck physically. My gums were torn up from stress and my gnawing at them, my nerves were raw from assisting customer after customer while carrying on the costume of a fantastic employee that loves their job...I cried....twice, in the car when I heard Christmas music. The little drummer boy. Don't even ask me why.
I've settled down quite a bit since then tho. The gift giving was fantastic. I love that part. I received a stand mixer(!!!!) from The Boy, and cooking gadgets galore. I couldn't be more excited to get back in the Kitchen. (I still want a table though...)
I got to visit with one of my best friends, The Draper. I miss her and her crazy ways. She has so much going on and I really wish we were as close as we were in high school. I feel awful that we don't have the same support system that we had for each other in high school. I hope that I can be there for her like always. My other best friend, The Physics major, is back for a visit from the wild west. I miss her dearly as well, augh. Too much sometimes. The three of us were seriously inseparable. Anyway, Physics girlie is here as well as her cousin, The Actor from Chicago. (I don't really think that's what he does, but that's what he graduated from college for. So good enough.) We got some good old bubble tea then had a good old time changing a flat tire on my mothers vehicle on the side of a road that was covered in dog crap. All the while, never knowing that my mother has roadside assistance. Ah well, I needed the experience. Actor was all into it "I changed a tire while dressed as Donatella Versace in a blue ball gown with a waist length blond wig! Lets go!" Turned out okay. Thanks guy :o) Later on in the week the three of us went to the local gay bar. Danced, people watched, guessed which side they were on, and gave nicknames to "special" characters. After we had gotten home, we decided we needed to get back out and head to The Diner. All in all, a long, but fun nite.

I spent more time with my niece. Another thing I feel slightly guilty about. Not spending time with her I mean. I moved away, just as a new member of the family arrived. Another support system I am not underneath. I started to worry as I held her while I we were at a skating rink. Babies are more then just a new responsibility, they're a life changing catalyst. At least that's what I think. You have to sacrifice the life you had before in order to give the best to the child. And those who are young usually don't realize this. I hand it to my Brother and his girlfriend for the strength it took to have her, but they still don't seem like they have to sacrifice anything. I understand, I certainly was still all about myself when I was their age. I just worry for the baby. Anyway. I'm just being way overprotective. I tend to be about people I love. Overprotective and paranoid and jealous. Good traits, huh?

Anyway, with that worry out in the open...

New Years plans include being lazy (currently being carried out), cleaning out some of my stuff from my parents house, chilling with Physics girlie with her fam and mine, calling the boy frequently (or at least thinking about it. I miss him like crazy. I know I live with him and I'll see him soon, I'm just attached! :o/ ) and going back to my apartment tomorrow. ::sigh:: and back to the grindstone. Damn.....but I have my stand mixer!! Hooray baking!! Thank you my sweet sweet boyfriend! He's so awesome. Ya'll jealous ;o)

Resolutions:
Being more open to criticism.
Being more flexible.
Being less of an uptight jerk.
Finding a real job.
Friends? I really would like to find some more friends closer to me.
Be better with my money.

I wish the Best to Everyone in the New Year!